This week I gathered up seven questions submitted by you common folk. You should be lucky that I even took the time away from my grueling workout schedule to attend to these silly questions, but it's in the contract, so I guess I'll entertain you for the time being. Let's get this over with.
I recently was propositioned by someone WAY out of my league. I'm not really all that interested, but I would like my ex to "accidentally" find out that i was propositioned by this person. Do you have any suggestions?submitted by Katy Anders at Lesbians in My Soup!
Oh, this happens to me all the time. I'm just minding my own business at the gym. Sitting there innocently bench pressing 350 when these people begin swarming around me like flies to a lamp. I suppose it can't be helped due to my glistening abs and flawlessly polished cuticles. Hypnotizing.
Anyway, a simple solution would be to boast it. Print the stranger's face on t-shirt and add the text, "I turned down the sexual advances of a demigod." There's no time for subtlety. If you want it to be an accident, tell her you forgot you were wearing the particular shirt that day.
How can I get in the FREAKING HOLIDAY SPIRIT?submitted by Ms. Cheevious at Ms. Cheevious
Nothing summons the freaking holiday spirit like a nice holiday card. Mind you, I’m not speaking of your typical family photo plastered on a laminated piece of cardboard. Let me walk you through my typical card making procedure:
I head on down to my local photography shop by myself (as the portrait would only be tainted by any lesser being that tags along). As I glide through the double-wide doors, the photographer is nearly blinded by my overwhelming radiance. He cancels all his appointments for the day—because, believe me, this will take all day. Then he begins constructing the most elaborate winter wonderland his tiny pathetic hands can create, free of cost. While he slaves over the background, I strip down to my skivvies and lather myself in the finest of oils.
After hours of posing for breath-taking photographs, the photographer wipes a tear from his eye and hands me the cards. I then proceed to rub the cards all over my nether regions just so the lucky recipients of the card can get a whiff of a true divine being such as myself.
Hope that clears things up for you.
Why do seagulls like fish, dont they get bored of fish, is that why they eat chips at the seaside? Are we there yet?submitted by Rob Z Tobor at Rob Z Tobor
Gulls are actually not all that fond of seafood. It's because they've got a little bit of me in them that prompts them to eat aquatic creatures.
See, they've been blessed with wings to fly and legs to walk. They possess the attributes necessary to conquer both land and air. But they desire to conquer all domains, that is why they've sought to wipe out the ocean population.
As to why they eat chips? They are attempting to dwindle mankind's food supply. Humans are at the top of the food chain and, despite their questionable taste in television and decreasing intelligence, they have conquered land, air, and sea. That's partially the reason that gulls are eating fish and replacing them with poo. The biggest killer of humans is dirty water consumption.
So, to answer your question, the gulls' only purpose in life is to assert their dominance over every living thing on Earth.
Oh, and no we're no there yet. If you ask again, I'll turn this car (a Lamborghini Gallardo, mind you) around!